


You Are Not Alone Alexander

by TrashTrashTrash



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, M/M, Suicide Attempt, everyone else is just mentioned, finally talk about Alec's suicide attempt in 2x08, its mostly just alec and magnus, takes place after 2x10
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-13
Updated: 2017-04-13
Packaged: 2018-10-18 07:53:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10612515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrashTrashTrash/pseuds/TrashTrashTrash
Summary: It had been two weeks since Iris had let all hell break loose at Max’s rune party. It had been two weeks since Clary had thought Simon had cheated on her. It had been two weeks since Jace had thought Maryse wanted him dead.But most of all, it had been two weeks since Alec had tried to kill himselfor the one where Alec and Magnus finally talk about Alec's suicide attempt at Max's rune party





	

It had been two weeks since Iris had let all hell break loose at Max’s rune party. It had been two weeks since Clary had thought Simon had cheated on her. It had been two weeks since Jace had thought Maryse wanted him dead. 

 

But most of all, it had been two weeks since Alec had tried to kill himself.

 

Everyone had brushed it off, blaming it on the spell Iris had cast upon the crew. But Magnus knew that it wasn’t that superficial- that there was something more to Alec’s suicide attempt than just a bit of dark magic.

 

Yes, everyone at the party was made to believe one thing or another. Clary that Simon was kissing Maia and Jace that his own mother wanted to kill him, but they’re reactions to their hallucinations were made on their own free will. When Clary found out, she decided to flee and even after the magic wore off decided to call it quits. When Jace found out, he decided to protect himself. But when Alec found out that Clary blamed him for her mother’s death, he didn’t try to run. He didn’t get angry. He didn’t lock himself away and cry. 

 

No, instead, Alec stood on a rooftop, ready to end his life. In fact, he did. He did jump. He did end it all- 

 

Almost.

 

You see, the witch might have made him see and hear things, but she never made him do what he did. She never made him try to take his own life.

 

And while everyone else seemed ignorant to this eery truth, Magnus wasn’t.

 

Magnus had seen the look in his boyfriend’s eyes as he slipped off the ledge. It wasn’t a look of haziness that most had when they were under the influence of magic. 

 

No- it was a look of hurt. It was a look of pure unadulterated self- hatred that Magnus had never witnessed before during his hundreds of years of life. The look in his eyes was pure pain. A pain so raw that it was almost as if he was made of nothing but it. 

 

For a split second, Magnus could only stand there, looking at what was once his strong shadowhunter, now a broken boy wishing for it to all to just end. 

 

Alec’s mask had finally shattered, and Magnus had see what was underneath.

 

And then he saved him, because although he now knew what hid underneath that mask, he still loved him- even the parts that were broken. 

 

Now, Magnus was standing in his apartment. A lot had happened in the two week’s after Alec’s almost death; Alec finding about about Izzy’s Yin Fen addiction, Clary almost dying.  _ Simon _ almost dying, and then the whole _ killing all the downworlders in the building  _ thing, and of course, how could we possibly forget about losing the soul sword? But Magnus’ favorite would definitely be that Alec said he loved him with an obvious ‘i love you’ in return. To say the least, everyone, including both`Alec and Magnus have had a hectic two weeks. And now, everything had seemed come to a lull. Sure, they all knew that some new terror was bound to arise sooner or later, but for now they were just thankful for the few moments of peace.

 

Now, Magnus finally had the chance to talk to Alec about what happened two weeks ago.

 

He decided that tonight was the perfect night to bring it up. According to his text messages, Alec was in a great mood. It had been a slow day. No one had died (always a plus) and he had caught Jace looking up “best pickup lines for nerdy vampires”. A new development which Magnus was itching to hear about. But that could wait, because tonight he was going to take care of the person he loved the most. 

 

Just then he heard the door open. The sound of a jacket being shoved off shoulders and shoes being kicked in the corner rang throughout the apartment. Magnus takes a deep breath and walks towards the living room. As he approaches, he sees the man he loves, wearing his standard black shirt and jeans, looking tired but content. When Alec finally sees him, he smiles and begins to walk over to him.

 

“ Hey Mags, how was your day?” Alec asks as he hugs Magnus. Magnus returns the hug and smiles softly. This was going to be difficult, but he knows that he has to do it. He loves Alec too much not to.

 

“Alexander, we need to talk darling.” An immediate mixture of fear and concern washes over Alec’s face. Magnus realizes how that must have sounded and quickly fixes his mistake.

 

“No love, I’m not breaking up with you,” he can see the relief flood through his lover’s body as he reassures him,” on the contrary, I want to talk to you because I love you too much to let this go.” Alec’s reassurance has now been replaced with confusion. Had he’d done something wrong? Had he tracked mud on the “very priceless” carpet again? So many possibilities were racing through his mind, and Magnus knew, so he decided to put an end to it and finally talk to Alec what he’d be meaning to talk about for two weeks.

 

“ Alec, we need to talk about what happened at Max’s rune party.”

 

Alec’s eyes flashed with anxiety before he tried (and failed) to act nonchalantly, like he had no idea what he was talking about.

 

“ I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

 

“ Alexander you know exactly what I’m talking about.”

 

“Well I’m fine. You know that that crazy witch was just playing with our minds,” he says, waving his hand in the air while turning around, like he’s trying to push away this whole conversation.

“ Alexander I just want to help you,” Magnus pleads as he touches Alec’s arm, which Alec shudders away as soon as he feels the hand touch him.

 

“ I don’t need help.”

 

“ Alexander I-”

 

“JUST DROP IT, OKAY?” Alec yells as he turns around, facing Magnus once more. There are tears in his eyes and something else that Magnus recognizes from two weeks earlier- pain.

 

The tension in the air is so thick that it seems as though time has stopped. They both stare into each other’s eyes for a couple minutes after Alec’s outburst, reading each other’s expressions, both trying to figure out what happens next. Suddenly, Alec’s mask shatters once more and he collapses into Magnus’s arms, shaking and sobbing. The air to Idris, in a matter of minutes, has been reduced to a frightened little boy; confused, scared, and most of all in pain - so much pain. 

 

And just like that they’re both back on top of that rooftop. But this time Magnus will not freeze. He will not be afraid and let two weeks pass by without mentioning what happened. 

 

This time he will save Alec, or at least try his damndest to.

  
  


He holds Alec for a while, letting him cry out what was probably a lifetime worth of pain and fear. He holds him and tells him that it will be okay and that no matter what he will always love him. No matter what Alec thinks he is, that Magnus knows the truth. That he is worth much more than he will ever know. That he is the most selfless person he has ever known. That he is kind to those that have been awful to him. That he makes Magnus want to be a better person every single day. That Alec is amazing, and that he will make it his life’s mission that one day he will believe it himself.

 

Eventually Alec stops crying enough to look up at Magnus. His eyes are red and puffy, snot running down his face along with the couple of tears still escaping. 

 

“So beautiful.” It’s whispered so quietly that Magnus isn’t even sure that he actually said it. Apparently he did because Alec cracks the smallest of smiles, but it’s enough to give Magnus hope.

 

“You are not alone Alexander. You never will be, not as long as you have me.”

  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! If you have any prompts or just want to check out my tumblr here it is - yourmomsblogmate.tumblr.com


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